Closed Eyes , Opened Mouth , But No Words Are Escaping

Disgust

2009-08-25T22:42:00.002+08:00

So , you lil kiddies think you so tough acting all cool and ... oh god, fuck you lil miss daisy!
How old are you ? Four? I guess we were right, you lil dicks do not have respect,not only towards us but to others too. Seriously ,git ya heads outta this shit land which tells you " Oh my god! That boy is so hot he is so mine! Oh my god I wanna go out like those cool kids at night !" Fuck you lot! When I was fourteen I stayed at home , watching DVD's or goin' to the movies with friends/family , during the day . I don't kiss boys, I don't even take a liking to them that much. I don't git all obsessed with 'em , I don't give boys head, I don't go out and sneak out in the middle of the night just to git some pleasure (lovebites) , I don't go blogging about how I went out at night like 3 am or 2 am , I don't go ranting about the older ones for I fuckin pissed my pants even just by their presence passing by me .

Yes, I know , the era of teens/youth has changed in time but what I would do to be fourteen again just to enjoy being fourteen. Why the fucken rush in jumping straight to givin' head or bitching about the elder ones ? Live as it be . Be fourteen , act fourteen. You girls are such pea brains . Matches the size of you ladies . I don't think you lil dicks even deserve to be called ladies . GROW up .

We don't hate you, no . We just don't want other outsiders thinkin' you lil shits can outwit us by your blogs via sms or myspace . Just cse you're friends with most of our friends , fuck off , have this brick wall against your lil foreheads against it and think " I have boundaries to not cross the line" . We don't want trouble . We don't like the fact that later on some chick from other school comes complainin' to us sayin' " budak form 2 skola kau memang brani sial blablabla/gedik/slut" . Cause as for now , you lil shitheads got that rep. up . Congratulations! You are labeled as those. How you like that now ?

We're just tryna shape you up, and boy, do you my NS (Nadiah Salwan) have the balls and courage to do those and still deny to it and speak for one entire form 2 . I'll drink to that! Have fun facing all the seniors in school , lovelies . I wish you luck . So fucken disrespectful to all 15 years of age and above . You think you're old ? Fuck you, look at what we've all been through, do NOT compare our experiences to yours , yours is not even the begining,honey.

xxpeacebitches!

I'm begining to wonder why I came

2009-08-17T00:55:00.003+08:00

Situation I'm goin' through and went through . Sigh , emotional breakdown . Has something to do with this song -How to save a life by The Fray . The one's with the curved handwritting and the bolded and the colored words are what actually happened to me :

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night.

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you.

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same

And you'll begin to wonder why you came.

I don't know why I even try to make this work,even though you've been so rude to me, calling me stupid which I don't enjoy being called that especially by you , and when you said " You are damn annoying,babe" . You really got me there . How could I've ever loved a human being like that . I don't know how but I still do . That's how much you mean to me . And despite how you don't call/text me anymore, I really don't mind but at least find some time for me? What? You're busy with your friends? Go ahead, I know for you boys , dicks first ,hey? But then why do you need me? Let me go then? Clearly you don't have time for me . But I don't want you to keep me hangin' like some shit dangling on some cat's ass . Sigh . I love you , despite your temper spitting fireballs at me .I just beg you for the old you. I want the old Hun. My Hanky poopoo , my Baby Boy. :' ( Please . I pray to God you will come back to me asap.

xxpeace

Broken

2009-07-12T20:40:00.002+08:00

Well, he has let me down yet again,been countless of times. Broken and empty promises yet again . He's a good boyfriend , yes. But a very forgetful man. It saddens my heart though how he can keep this shit dangling , and for how long? There are the moments where I feel like I'm the man in the relationship, and he's my little puppet. I don't want that. I don't want to tell him what to do, but if I don't, he won't do shit? He is a good boyfriend, he never cheated on me, (so I think) and well yea . But he never listens to me.

Love is not a feeling, my cat could tell me she loves me. But no, love is an action you must take. He never did show it. "I guess he never knew how to show it. But it's okay. It's okay Sarah. He will,soon." See that's what I keep telling myself in my lil selfish ass of a pea brain . But let's be realistic, is it really really gonna happen? I think we might all know the answer to that rethorical question,hey? He just keeps breaking my heart again and again and again but it's okay. AGAIN that's what I tell myself. He will change, in time. For me , I hope. BULLSHIT. I should really stop putting those sentences yes, HOPE in myself. It's bad enough I do most of the things, the romantic thoughts,the endless gifts. The sweet talking . God . Am I a man? No seriously, am I? Ahh well this song can only tell my situation :

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight.
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time.
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts.
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out.
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on I'm barely holdin' on to you.

I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

No matter, I still love you baby boy. No matter what, I will forgive you. Maybe,just maybe. You'll change,right? But if you can't. I'll love you for it anyway. Because ,after all it is you I fell in love with. H.M.M.

xx peace!

Look how far we've come my Baby Boy

2009-06-20T10:56:00.008+08:00

So today marks the one year Hun and I've been together. I know, boast much? But hell, I've never been through a long relationship, especially with me still being at a young,fresh,rebellion age. It's not right,really, well that's what older folks would say but hey! Let us live our own lives, if not, at least the love life,hey? It's the least you people could do for us youngsters,huh. So yea, it's been a year now that we've been together , it was last year June 20th '08 when we got together. We knew each other way back like in primary skewl . And I had this small crush on him when I was like ten and he was like twelve and he looked like a loner and shit. That's why I thought he was kinda cute, lmao! Then when I turned thirteen I added him up on myspace and we got kinda tight, we got close like brotherly/sisterly . Jyea, I even called him Brother Bear --" . Pretty lame but it was nice. He was cool. Then we accidentally got together when I was fifteen because of an ex lover .Long story short ; )

So yea, we knew each other way back. And I'm gaddamn happy we got through it all , I mean it's been one helluva hellhole relationship,especially whoever it is who's lucky to be with me. They'd prolly go through hell cause I am Sarah Zain , lmao! And I'm gaddamn proud he is still here , no matter how paranoid,nagging lil bitch,selalu cari pasal chick. He is still here for me. Yeaaaa he may not be perfect like I want him to be.  But maybe sooner I'll understand that he can't be the way I want him to. I HAVE to understand that. Honestly, I take the fault on why our relationship may some time be down . I'm sorry baby love , thank you for being there for me for a year. I really loved our past and present and well future. Okay this post is getting corny --" I should stop. I just want to thank you so much! I love you baby boy. Here's a song to us baby boy : )  :

"Looks like we made it, look how far we've come my baby. We mighta took the long way, we knew we'd get that some day. Just look at us holding on,we're still together, still going strong.You're still the one I run to,the one  that I belong to.You're the one I want for life.You're still the one that I love,the only one I dream of.You're still the one I kiss good night.Ain't nothin' better,we beat the odds together."

Hehehe, I knoe how fucken corny can I git? But well I really love this fella, yea yawl sure are gonna go on like for the moment she will be in love but hey! Let me be in my moment,huh? Be nice laaa!  : D Too bad I'm a poser laaa!

I love you,Hanis Matin Mellor!

Savanh

2009-03-29T23:55:00.003+08:00

So it's been ages since I've blogged , well now I am , so be happy! Reason why I'm blogging ? Only cause it's been one helluva weekend! Well , so it's 28th March 2009 , on a Saturday . Declaration of Earth Hour , first time in Malaysia , ooh how exciting! --" Why is it sucha big deal for me to post this blog ? Well for one , my Brother and Daddy headed to Penang to support Mummy for this Dragonboat activity ,her Breast Cancer mates have . And I HAD THE WHOLE HOUSE TO MYSELF . (> Okie dokie , so I woke up in the morning , with a big smile on my face! Tahaha , that sorta sounds like the song from the All American Rejects singing Gives You Hell ,yea ? Yea , sorta . Ky called up and asked whot my plan was . So I told her , and then she had the courtesy to invite me to meet her up at Pyramid . At first I didn't want to , 'cause I had plans with Mirawr to go to BSN bank and debit my cash and then buy this dress I wanted from Zara at OU . Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I didn't want to make it suicidal for Mirawr just to do this for me , hahaha ! How nice of me . So I decided to go to Pyramid ,plus Ky said there's a BSN ATM machine down in Pyramid and I was really hungry! So I reached Pyramid around 2.30 pm and then Hun suddenly showed up by surprise and he bought me lunch (: ,thank you boy . After hanging for a bit we went to OU at 5 to get my dress for tonight's Earth Hour , pfft! This is whot I hate , I went there and looked for the dress and yup , my size is out . I mean like dah habis . CB gila la! I was sooo upset I could cry , it was so pretty! Then Hun tried to cheer me up by suggesting to buy another dress but I didn't want to waste time plus Mirawr was waiting for us at home . We left the house late which was like 8.30 pm . The time of the Earth Hour where we were supposedly to off all the lights! Sigh , and we missed it , so then we cracked our heads together on where to go . Hun called up his friends to see if either of them had a party going on so we could like fall in . Then he just said we could just go to Savanh , in Mont Kiara . Before going there we had dinner at Hartamas Square . Hun's so familiar to these kinda places, oh well! After eating we went to Savanh around like ten or so . Sweet Mother of Daisies! The setting of Savanh was off the heezaaaaay~ It was soo nicee lah! Had a couple of drinks then for a mo' me and Hun left Mirawr at Savanh to get his friends at Hartamas square and they were all so colorful (x , we have Izlam ( the laidback sweetie) , Soha ( senggal but cute) , Dave(soo cute but very damn cautious , which makes him cuter) , Chris (DEEEYMN you so fine!), Nish , (British niggzz!) and David(adorable random mofo who is kinda like Reen ). Yea that's about it I think , yup! I love them , they're pretty awesome . Had trouble with Mirawr cause her Mum kinda went ballistic so we sent her home and it was around 2 am by then . After sending her home we jetted back to Savanh to pick up some of Hun's friends and headed to Hun's crib . Reached Hun's crib like around 3am I think , yea . Hung around and talked and they had to do what they had to do . Haha! Simple . Then after fucken around the rest left for Ampang for some shit ass party or like something lah . So it was left with David,Hun and I . We got hungry so we went to this Mamak near Makchu's (aunty) house , beside 7 E and near Grand City . It was like 4.45 am la by then . David being his pretty simple minded boy started talking about fishes with lights and telling us how he never went to a zoo before and that's what he intends to do when he's a lil bit older --" Hahahaha , hilarious lah (x Hung around there till ike 6 am and then Hun & David sent me home safely (: It was freezing , looking for a cab . I never knew 6 am could be cold! Kong-ed at 6 am and woke up at 3 am the next day (Sunday) Phew! Oh well I enjoyed it , there were fucked up moments with Mirawr but then it was okay overall, we went through it well ! Tahaha!
Thank you Hun , I love you ,boy (: Well there are more shit loadsa details but hey ! Who am I kidding? It's a blog = public ! There's a hint! Taaahaha! That's pretty much it , yea ;) Just one of those days . I know some of yawl who are reading it , whoever lah , would go " HA'ALA , KECOH GILAAAA . Aku pun buat tpi tkde la sampai ltk kt blog , bapak poyo!" HAHA , Jyea , that's right bitches . Hahaha but hey, this is my second post! So it kinda means something to me so I could reminisce next time ,not for yawl to comment on it , but if you want to , go right ahead ,yeah? Tahaha , later dipsticks, now this is gonna suck , Monday blues , here I come!

xxpeace!

Revived blog

2009-01-13T23:57:00.006+08:00

So , I deleted my older posts 'cause I felt it was too emotional and so not Sarah Zain! And I've revived my blog all because of Puan Su , . It's funny how the rest of my friends kept pestering me to update my blog , and insult me by saying " R.I.P Sarah Zain's blog " with a photo of a thomb --" ( That goes out to Ain Razak , the little dreamer of an Astronout ). And I've been playing dumb about it , and out of all the human beings in the world , Puan Su had the power of taking over my brain! Damn , she's someting . I wonder what are the other great things she has done to other people than myself (>
Well , back to the basics, she asked us all form 4 KB to start a blog so she could check up on our English , I'm assuming . Or maybe she just wants to know what kind of stuff we're up to , teenagers life , since she's no longer one , I think she misses it and she insists on us doing so she can reminicse her older days . Well , she's not that old , she's awesome . I'm hoping I get extra credit for that (x Hmm , I found out , I'm more hyped up this year , it's so weird . I used to be those " whoddup G-moneh!? " . Those though like thugs , I thought it was cool , it still is ! But some how I've been changing in so many ways , for the better I hope . And we all know why (; ,we give thanks to a person named Hun . Oh , Mira , my 18 year old neighbour , we go wayy back when we were young around the age of ten or so . Anyway! She was suppose to go to the Ting Ting's concert in Singapore and she didn't get to go 'cause of her parents , for sure . And she was bragging like some mofo to me that she was hyped up on being so sure she could go , when she told me the bad news , I was laughing my ass off. So she kept singing the ting ting's song so she could keep herself happy , whot a dumb ass . Ohmygod, and honestly la , I really need to stop eating every five seconds! Oh and Mother's being all stressed out again , it's so annoying , even my dad makes faces when she complains , it's hilarious how he does his face expressions . My brother and I would laugh our asses off , literally dying out of laughter or sometimes even can't breathe properly , like Mich used to say to me "I shall buy you plants to put in your room so there's oxygen for you to breathe when you're laughing" . Man I miss Mich! And Josie :( They're facing SPM this year , I know for a fact that they'll kick ass! (Y)

xxpeace!